Depression Depression Depression

Posted by my wife (130 days ago)

My wife is suffering from drepression, and now the situation has become extremely serious. Only recently came to realize this has started few years ago, and only now start looking for medication when it's alrady serious. Have been to gov hospitals QMH and Bonham rd physic clinic but not much help. Now she refusing to see a doctor and behaving without knowing right and wrong, spending money, hate to discuss any of her problems / issues, does not know how to solve this and how to come out of this.
She hates me too, as every discussion end up with shouting and breaking things around by her. We have a 1.3 baby boy also got affected.
I am desperately looking for a way out from this missary, and to help her out somehow.
Please advice on where to look for affordsble and immediate help asap.

(I am based in Hong Kong)

Find what you are after in our Hong Kong A-Z Directory

Tags clinic, counselling, depression

Posted by SKDL (129 days ago)

I'm new to Hong Kong so I'm sorry but I can't help with advice on support groups or appropriate medical facilities. However, having experienced this myself, please stick by her & don't give up. She is unwell & will not be able to rationaly explain the dark place she's in or goes into. Given that you're seeking advice you're clearly a great supportive husband. Best of luck.

(I am based in Hong Kong)

Posted by Ria (128 days ago)

Its very difficult when you are in depression. You need to talk to her and spend as much as time you can with her. It get very lonely in depression. She need to take counseling and needs to visit a doc for proper prescription. All psychiatrists are very expensive anywhere between $2500 to $3000 per hour and insurance doesn't cover this. But you have to visit once, or it an get very very serious. Try to google search and you may call a few clinics to get the prices that suits you best.

(I am based in Hong Kong)

Posted by barbaratavernard (128 days ago)

There is a nice place not very expensive at St Jonhs catedral.
You pay what you can...
I also agree that lonliness does triger depression

(I am based in Hong Kong)

Posted by Ausman (128 days ago)

Hi There,

I am going through it right now and have been for years, it cost me my marriage.

Go and see Dr David Lau, Psychiatrist at St Pauls Hospital in Causeway Bay Tel:2890 6008 for appointment, he is a nice caring guy. It is a public Hospital, you go to outpatients dept, they charge HKD 600 per visit, he sits, Tue/Sat (am) , Fri (pm). If you cannot get your wife to go, maybe you go and have a chat with him, I am sure he has dealt with this type of situation before. Depression is a horrible evil.

(I am based in Hong Kong)

Posted by ozcalgal (128 days ago)

Alternatively you can try Dr Owens at OT & P in Central Ph: 2521- 3181
5/F Century Square, 1 D'Aguilar Street. He is very experienced in dealing with depression and they also have a clinical psychologist next door who he will refer your wife or yourself to for counseling. Dr Owens diagnosed me on my first visit with him after seeing numerous other Dr's who couldn't find out what was wrong with me - I cannot recommend him highly enough. I would not be inclined to go to St John's as they are more of a counseling service, your wife's condition sounds more serious and needs serious medical attention - counseling alone will not be enough. Hang in there, there is light at the end of the tunnel. Good Luck!

(I am based in Hong Kong)

Posted by pollywood (128 days ago)

Just wanted to say that I really feel for you and your wife and son. I understand what you are going through. I have suffered from depression for years and was in a bad way a few years ago. I am on medication which is fantastic and have had counselling over the years and have a brilliant husband. In my experience it's important to be calm and supportive - it sounds like you really are - and tell her that you love her and are trying to understand her so she doesn't feel totally alone. Before we moved to Hong Kong I was given a recommendation by my psychologist to a Hong Kong psychologist who is supposed to be great. I haven't need to go and see him, but I will if I'm finding it difficult to cope. His name is Simon Lee, 2696 1034. I know this may sound weird but if it's ok, I'm going to pray for you for a solution as I really know how serious it is. It is absolutely horrible - depression is a black hole that seems impossible to get out of. It isn't impossible, there is hope, you both need support and strategies to get you out of it.

All the very best.

(I am based in Hong Kong)

Posted by pollywood (128 days ago)

Just one more thing.. did your wife get on medication? I am on lexapro (which is a newer 'purer' anti-depressant/anti-anxiety medication from Denmark) every day. I get it from any of the dispensary's/chemists in Hong Kong. I take 20mg a day when its a high stress time for me and 10mg when things are not so much. Medication usually takes up to 2 weeks to work when starting but I guess it depends on the person. I noticed within a few days.. You could google lexapro or other anti-depressant/anti-anxiety for more information.. For me, a combination of medication, counselling (psychologists not counsellors for me), support and prayer have gotten me through and was absolutely of the most importance.

I really hope for the best for your family.

(I am based in Hong Kong)

Posted by my wife (127 days ago)

Thanks for useful comments and kind concerns, after a rock bottom, an email I sent to her which I find unreasonable somehow made her feel comfortable, now the situation is not as worst as before, but it could be worst at any moment. I am in a dilemma, do not understand why all my genuine concerns and advices to her always backfires. Not sure what to say as it usually triggers her again. In my email I said sorry to her for what I said, even though I know well what I said was for her own good and nothing wrong or negative. Can't express my feelings, can't suggest or show a better way, can't object, must say yes to everything, keep silience make her mad, anything good for the family as a whole she finds not acceptable. First priority must be her and not the 15month baby, the family or myself otherwise it triggers again. What a life, I do not deserve such and somtimes feel like wanna give up. Looking back at the consequences stops me halfway, as I have a baby and swore to God in the catholic church, to take care the baby and the family to the best at all times good or bad. I have tried everything possible to take her out from this missery, and I am sure if she follows my advice she will be out of this. I am really fed up somtimes, why she can't listen to my advice and come out from this black hole. Quite simple and straight forward. She is confused with what is good or bad, right or wrong. So why not just follow me, as I am 100% responsible for what I ask her to do, which is all good for her and the family as a whole. If I do not know what to do and someone offers genuine logical advice with responsibility of the outcome, and if I find it flat right, I can't refuse and give it a try at least, but why she can't be logical, simply this is common sense.
I have always been with her, for almost everything from the very first day I took her into my heart and guided from scratch. She is a matured adult, wife and a mum. Now I find her useless even to her ownself. This wasn't the case years before, she had been a good caring wife, who followed my good advice and enjoyed the end results. I still take care of everything at home. She knows well without me it will be harsh and nothing she could do, and she can't stand alone as she depends on me. If I were her I would be scared to death to imagine such, and whole heartedly follow the husband. She hates my advice and guidance even though she has no solution and does not know what to do. I am puzzled, what is really going in her mind??
Do you think hypnotism could alter her thinking and bring her back to normal. She has been refusing to go to see a doctor, councelling, medicine. I have been bearing all this hard times so long, and how much more, I do not know, I realy wana help her to come out from this, but how???? remains unanswered. Many more to express to fill the gaps in the full story. Too late now, let me go to bed hoping tomorrow could be better.

(I am based in Hong Kong)

Posted by SKDL (127 days ago)

Hi, yes i hope today is better for you but i suspect not. I cannot stress enough (as the others have) that you must get her to a doctor. Although you are commited & caring enough to help her I feel that you don't have a true understanding of what she's going through. Although you will never fully understand (unless you go through it yourself), you must understand that she will not be thinking rationally like the adult you married - she is not trying to be difficult - she also doesn't understand her unreasonable behaivour and very very bad feelings. Can I suggest you do some reading on the subject while you find a way to get her to a doctor. This is very treatable. Please don't give up on her.

(I am based in Hong Kong)

Posted by pollywood (127 days ago)

Hi again, I have been thinking of your family today and am hoping that there is a glimmer of hope coming. As said by SKDL your wife won't be thinking rationally, and will not be able to make rational decisions let alone decisions. Have you asked her what she wants to happen, the outcome to be? In my experience it was just to be able to feel peace again and function properly. Without medication a depressed person will not be able to see clearly or put anything into perspective. Then along with seeing a psychologist the journey to health can start. I am still praying and will pray that your wife will be willing to try something towards getting better.

Thinking of you.

(I am based in Hong Kong)

Posted by aidanmama (127 days ago)

Sorry that your going through this, it is very difficult, my family has been there too, i had a great supportive husband and at the end of it he had helped me so much get back to my normal self. that on top of medication which i still take im feeling much better, it took years though! he stood by me when he could have walked away. It is very hard to understand this illness espeically if you havent experiencd it yourself, i still dont get why it happened to me but oh well hopefully it makes me stronger.

it is important for her to get dr. help, i didnt want to seek dr help either and ultimately the decision will come down to your wife, you have already shared your concerns and help with her, now its up to her to act on them. she will come round eventually otherwise it can only get worse and she'll be prompted to finally do something about it.

initially i started going privately but it got so expensive i started going to public hospital, to be honest thy basically tell you the same thing and all like to prescribe meds. but thats not the pointm the point is the public system is also quite good and some of the hospitals offer CBT as well. i went to POW.

its in her hands now and she is the one who wants to get the help and she'll come round, just like i did and so many other sufferers. good luck!!

(I am based in Hong Kong)

Posted by my wife (124 days ago)

Hi aidanmama what is POW nad CBT? How about Hypnotherapy, do you think it could be helpful??

(I am based in Hong Kong)

Posted by RichardHK (124 days ago)

Just in case aidanmama doesn't pop in for a while. POW looks like Prince of Wales (Hospital) to me. CBT is cognitive behavioural therapy that can be quite successful with many folk. CBT is a 'recognised' subset of therapy techniques from neuro-linguistic programming (NLP). Saying that may offend some doctors and similar. :)

You could try reading some NLP/CBT books yourself. And what about meditation? Has your wife any experience of that? Learning to relax is a good start. I mean proper relaxation, not taking a rest.

(I am based in Hong Kong)

Posted by pattie (123 days ago)

Comment have been deleted

(I am based in Hong Kong)

Posted by missyoulikecrazy (108 days ago)

I know a very good counsellor if you are looking for one let me know

(I am based in Hong Kong)

Posted by Gardener (107 days ago)

Hi, I've been suffering from depression for years but recently it got worse. I have very bad anxiety attacks and the SSRI meds (I've tried 3) are causing very bad side effects. I can't sleep , can't eat (lost 20 pounds!) and am scared all the time. My 16-year-old son has been affected and he's depressed too. (though not as serious as me). Has anybody tried ECT (electric shocks) or other more drastic therapy? I really don't want to drag out my suffering waiting weeks for each medication to NOT work. Any suggestion is most appreciated.

(I am based in Hong Kong)

Posted by familythree (107 days ago)

Hi I am so sorry to hear of your pain and I too suffer from anxiety, I suggest calling your doctor if you have one you are comfortable with and seek councelling to talk through your fears and try going out for a walk, also relaxing breathing exercises. When you feel one coming on don't fight it as this makes it worse and you brain responds to the fear so let it come and just try breathing in and out deeply and take your mind to a safe place. Have you tried cipramil anti anxiety? Ask your doctor as these worked for me. Remember you are in control and breath through the fear.

(I am based in Hong Kong)

Posted by dperras11 (107 days ago)

Depression is a process. It is something within the control of the person experiencing this state. It is not something outside the sphere of control. I would suggest a good NLP master prac, there are a few in HK. I would suggest the worst thing to do is to medicate. All this does is mask the problem. A good NLP therapist should be able to get to the root cause and re-condition a new perspective.

(I am based in Unspecified)

Posted by hat2284 (107 days ago)

Hi,

I have been through exactly the same thing with my wife when we moved to Hong Kong. Firstly remember it is a very normal thing. Incredibly common, and nothing to be embarrassed about. Secondly go to a specialist who can help give you a plan of action.

Finally, make sure you talk to your wife about depression, and try to learn about it. It is incredibly lonely and scary for your wife, but it is also the same for the husband!!

Personal mail me and we can meet up for a chat. It really helps to talk to people who have been through it. I wish I had been able to!

(I am based in Hong Kong)

Posted by PGA (103 days ago)

Hi. You have mail.

(I am based in Hong Kong)

Posted by F355 (103 days ago)

i have sometimes depression too, but after a few lager everything is fine again.

(I am based in Hong Kong)

Posted by my wife (102 days ago)

hi everyone! Special thanks to PGA, Lambchopkins, desire, breezing and aussier for PM me. able to be back her after a very rough ride. I was able to take her to see a psychiatric in QMH and Western Psychiatric Centre Sai Ying Pun (governemnt hospitals). Even though she has been given anti depression tablets it seems there is long way to go, and I feel so down when she creates problems quite often, and the situation is still bad if not serious.

(I am based in Hong Kong)

Posted by longhair (102 days ago)

hi everyone! my wife have got it and become more worst, but how I told her and let her see the doctor?Because I don't know how to tell what happen in her? Or she afraid to face it!

(I am based in Hong Kong)

Posted by austria (100 days ago)

This is very much a long shot but I would be grateful for any advice. My friend is suffering from depression and really needs help - but just doesn't have the money to pay for specialists. Is there any way he could get free help (unlikely in HK, I know) or are there any suppport groups for this condition? He is local and speaks English and Cantonese.

It is so sad to see people in this condition, not to mention the strain it puts on partners and other family members. I do feel fo everyone on this thread.

(I am based in Hong Kong)

Posted by marob178 (95 days ago)

I had depression a few years ago, developed insomnia, lost a lot of weight and generally lost the zest for life. I was given medications but I was getting addicted to them and that even worsened my depression. I have 3 children and a household to maintain. I cannot be like this forever. I had for a long time avoided the invitations of friends to attend prayer meetings until one day I just decided I'll attend one and see what it's all about. I felt the genuine concern of the fellowship and know that God loves me even when I had rejected Him for so long. I had never felt this much love before. I can truly and honestly say that reading the Bible and this newfound relationship with the Lord Jesus had given me hope, peace and comfort. Now, I can truly say I'm blessed and not cursed.
My church offers free counselling. Please don't delay and get help...there's hope. We have a healing room (counselling) for free every Thursday 12:00 - 2pm and no need for appointment. You can also check the website www.icahk.org. Get help!

(I am based in Hong Kong)

Posted by neenib (93 days ago)

I underwent hypnotherapy for anxiety attacks. I suffered severe claustrophobia and the thought of having to go on planes, underground trains, lifts and everything associated with those things before moving to HK was enough to tell my husband we couldnt' go. I have also suffered Post Natal Depression and stress, you name it, i've just about had it!

Hypnotherapy worked wonders for me. The important thing is the person undergoing the treatment has to WANT to do it. I had a lovely therapist and we actually had a quite a few sessions and now whilst I don't like all the enclosed places associated with HK, I can deal with it.

A family member who also suffered servere anxiety/depression/agoraphobia also underwent hypnotherapy (in conjunction with medication) and she also benefited from it.

I sincerely hope your wife is getting through her crap time and hopefully there is just even a pinhole of a light at the end of the tunnel. I always felt when I had PND, if I could laugh/smile just once a day I would hold onto that and use it to get me through, knowing it is possible to be happy. Have her hold onto anything positive.

All the luck to you and your family.

(I am based in Hong Kong)

Posted by fish tank (90 days ago)

I have come into this very late - but, I think there is mention that you have a son too. I am not trying to say it is postnaal depession. But, what a few of my friends have found whom have suffered from depression is that they had low functioning thyroids. (which can happen after giving birth) It is a simple blood test - even if she cames back as normal but, on the low side - she may have been very high before and it would be worth taking the medication which really has no side affects and is afordable. One of my friends who really suffered from depression and has taken anti- depressants has had the best results on this thyroid mediation...

(I am based in Hong Kong)

Posted by flashback (89 days ago)

Kitty Dukakis in her book "Shock: The Healing Power of Electroconvulsive Therapy" says electroconvulsive therapy dramatically changed her life for the better. She is the wife of former Massachusetts governor and 1988 Democratic presidential nominee Michael Dukakis, battled depression for over 20 years.

Each therapy has to be tailored to the individual. I know someone who blacked out after one tab of Lexapro (recommended above), fell flat on her face and badly bruised her face and whole side.

The important thing to know is that depression is a killer. Severe depression must be medicated, and the patient kept on watch. There's no talking it through at the severe point. I know too many sad stories to pull punches on this.

Get emergency treatment from a psychiatrist. Watch for side-effects. If one therapy doesn't work, then insist on another.

When the patient improves to be back to a normal state of affairs, then things like hypnotherapy are more useful.

(I am based in Hong Kong)

Posted by justgorgeous (84 days ago)

God ...depression just sucks!!
I have been working my damn way through this for the last 6 years.
I have finally found a system that works for me.

Emotional Freedom Technique EFT allows me to manage my mind....mostly independently and sometimes I work with my EFT practicioner to get a clearer perspective.
The website for this is www.emofree.com then click on EFT.

This technique has changed my life.

Medication worked too well for me and I became someone I didn't know anymore...it took my moments of pure joy too. Even when I wasn't depressed which yes, was great and I was thankful I never felt REALLY happy either.
Anyway give it a try and pm me if you want more details
xx

(I am based in Hong Kong)

Posted by Asiram (78 days ago)

Hi there,
I really feel for your wife first of all, but also your family! It is a very difficult situation....
Recently I have gone through a really bad period with panick attacks and all myself. I had forgotten how incredibly lonely and terrifying it could be. Still not completely out of it but getting there.
Like justgorgeous I have used EFT and it really helps a lot! It;s easy to learn. You can learn it from their website but I found out that it's better to work with somebody when dealing with a more severe depression. I can highly recommend the clinical psychotherapist here in Hk that is on their website. He does EFT also and can work by phone. Very affordable and he teaches you how to do it yourself. I wish you all the best!

(I am based in Hong Kong)

Posted by my wife (71 days ago)

After a long halt, falling deep low most of the time and hope of rising again, once again I need someone shed light to find directions. She is under medication having anti-depression medicine, visitng QMH once a month, but unfortunate she is becoming different and NOT the same person anymore. Spending all savings on un-necessary things out of control. Any advise gets her angry, depressed again. I am in a delemma either I talk or silient it hurts. When inform QMH psychiatric, Dr says it is normal for females, how could it be!! She never used to waste her money. Now buying so many shoes, clothes, perfume, etc. Problem is she buys a lot, more than necessary. Please anyone had similar habits, or know where to find a cure please let us know. We have a 1.5yr baby to care and do not want to see financially broken. (orginal comments are back again)

(I am based in Hong Kong)

Posted by RichardHK (71 days ago)

So sad. And outrageous to hear the QMH say it is normal. So many 'experts' have no clue at all. Really terrible.

Any chance your wife is suffering from what is called 'bordeline personality disorder'? Most doctors don't seem to know much about this despite being widespread. Something to do with their incapacity to handle i guess. Several variants of disorder. No quick recovery, but knowing what is wrong helps. Check this site out for info: (And if it looks useful, find a doctor who has dealt with it.)
http://www.bpdcentral.com/index.php

And have you considered hypnosis? Maybe helpful, if only to teach your wife how to relax. Here is a local link for qualified:
http://www.mindmatters.hk/

Best wishes. So painful for all.

(I am based in Hong Kong)

Posted by Extreme Lonely (70 days ago)

Hi there wifey: When I read this thread of yours. I could imagine how you feels, such is life. Not sure if you could really understand her sickness. Your wife might behave that you dislikes.

All you need to do is to fully support her & understand her inner feelings. You got to bear it & be patient, coz your wife is not herself behaving that way. Don’t throw judgements on her as a person having a depression they are very fragile, emotive & sensitive persons. Its helpless if you are so anxious or worried that things may not be OK! Be positive. When there is tomorrow, there is hope. Provide her time, of course always remind her that you LOVE her, show that you always there & pay more attention. Let her express her bad feelings and give her assurance that things will be OK!. Don’t Lose Hope. Be thankful enough she still exist in this world. The hardships in our life are the key of success to build strong family relationships. In marriage relationship there is no perfection. Ups and downs always there. Every problem has solutions. You believe to GOD, the circumstances that you are having right now is a trial to both of you. Set a prayer, as God is the silent partner. God knows when you set a prayer he knows what you need. You’ll never walk alone in your life. Still you are lucky – there are people who suffering more than us in the society. At this moment you may not understand her completely, yes you may find her so wrong of everything she does. Not a normal person. You can’t blame her or judge her of things she does wrong. Formerly she was a good and caring wife. But why only now the sudden changes & unreasonable act occurs. That because her depression, simply as that. Although you considers her as an adult person, believe me she is just one of the victims of that horrible depression. At this moment she doesn’t need any judgements – one of the reason she may not accept & understand it because she has depression within - all she needs now is try to accompany her with your baby, try to bring her somewhere & distracts her from spending money as you stated above & give her compliments or talks something which is not based on current worst situation. If the situation is worst, give her space. Never try to fuel the fire. Once the person has depression they will feel so lonely & confuse. I one of them. Best of luck to you. Never lost hope. Everything happens for a reason. IF YOU NEED To talk, send me message. Cheers.

Best of Luck!
Ms. Extreme

(I am based in Unspecified)

Posted by kaydgt (58 days ago)

Depression is always difficult to have. Sometimes not even our loved ones can help us nor medical advice. Try Kathleen Wong in Central, she's a counsellor gifted with Angel Guidance. Call them at 2523 8396. Hope this helps!

(I am based in Hong Kong)

Posted by wattsup (32 days ago)

My friend went to see Julian at Balance Health (tel: 2530-3315) for Hypnotherapy with good results. Good luck!

(I am based in Hong Kong)

Posted by Mindman (26 days ago)

There is a new product out on the market which helps for people suffering from depression. It's a CD called Successful Deep Relaxation. A couple of people I know have bought it and they say it's very helpful. I've seen it at some of the clinics and at at the New Age Shop.

(I am based in Hong Kong)

Posted by flashback (23 days ago)

Yes... this does seem more serious to me than depression - even though depression is a very serious illness. As RichardHK suggests above, sounds like bipolar or a personality disorder with all of the spending. Over-spending is rather a classic symtom of bipolar.

I think you need a thorough analysis. The NIMH in Washington DC is the only place I am familiar with as I have a number of relatives working there. Here is the link to their website which provides valuable information on different mental disorders and treatments. I feel very sorry for you. This is an awful situation, but I hope you will hold on and get treatment, as whatever is her problem it can be kept under some kind of control through medications, therapy and other practices.
http://www.nimh.nih.gov/health/topics/

(I am based in Hong Kong)

Posted by Hongkong7 (20 days ago)

i agree with Richerd HK and flashback above

the diagnosis is much more likely to be borderline personality disorder than depression.

unfortunately BPD much more resistant to treatment

anyway to the poster you need to get the diagnosis first before the treatment for which she needs to consult an experienced health care professional of your choice

(I am based in Hong Kong)

Posted by drsung (20 days ago)

I understand that Chinese medicine is not the first thing you have in mind here when it comes to medical advice. If by any chance, your wife has the following signs or symptoms, you may consult a CM practitioner: agitation, insomnia, hot tempered, yellowish and greasy tongue coating, dryness and bitterness in the mouth, constipation. etc.

The above condition is regarded as pathological condition: deficiency of body fluid and liver qi hypertension that can be remedied by herbal medicine and acupuncture. As a practitioner, I have experiences treating patients under medications of anti-depressant or psychiatric medications. Their tongues tend to be tiny and extremely reddish; or greasy. Chronic consumption of these medications will diminish the effect that cannot help much.

I have a BA in sociology in a state U (USA) before I spent 11 yrs to receive my Bachelor to PhD degree in Chinese medicine in China so I know something about counselling stuff. If she matches the above symptoms, she has a pathological condition that Chinese medicine may help, not solely by chatting with her. Neurological or psychiatric conditions do not seem to be the strong area of western medicine.(Others are strong). There are other alternative explanations beside WM.

My 2 cents

(I am based in Hong Kong)

Posted by drsung (18 days ago)

I would like to add a few data about how the antidepressant drugs work and its side effects. Antidepressant medicines work by helping to correct the imbalance of certain important chemicals in the brain. They work well and are generally safe. There are three main groups of antidepressants: selective serotonin reuptake inhibitors (SSRIs), tricyclics (TCAs), and monoamine oxidase inhibitors (MAOIs). SSRIs, such as LEXAPRO, are the newest class of antidepressants (the govt hospital USUALLY prescibes medication at the lowest end. They help to relieve the symptoms of depression by increasing the available supply of serotonin, a substance in the brain believed to influence mood. The most commonly reported side effects are nausea, insomnia, problems with ejaculation, somnolence, increased sweating, fatigue, decreased libido, and anorgasmia.

Acupuncture can induce serotonin and promote its exchange in the brain; so can a few Chinese medicine herbs. They do not produce the said side effects such as nausea, fatigue, etc.

It is likely the lady also has mense issue. Chinese medicine can work effectively to regulate the mense, no matter if it is early, delayed, irregular, or with pain (with capable pracitioners). Under the holistic theory of traditional Chinese medicine, all issues can be taken care together.

My 2 cents

(I am based in Hong Kong)