is there any chance for an ONS to become a real relationship

Posted by sinead II (127 days ago)

i've met this guy 2 yrs ago for a one night stand,i thought its only ONS,coz he doesnt live here,but since then evrytime he comes in hk,we meet up and had s**,evrytime is like that,little chat,s**,i go home or sometimes sleep where he stays,nxt day its like normal day,no word from him if his gone or whatever,well iam not expecting anything,coz we are just friends with benefits,the bad thing is my feelings for him is becoming deeper,and dont know what his feelings for me,maybe just like me in bed.in that 2 yrs,i didnt try to open my eyes,with other guy,its not that iam ugly,in fact got some admirers around ha ha.but didnt bother to entertain.iam just wondering why he still sees me,if the fact that he can meet up different girl,evrytime he comes here.thats why got a very little hope that one day,he will got feelings for me,or am i just wasting my time in him

(I am based in Hong Kong)

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Posted by Ivor Biggun (127 days ago)

Sounds like you need to wake up and smell the Nescafe, of course he's just using you for sex.
If he can come to HK and get a guaranteed sh*g without having to pay for it then he's just playing the game.

(I am based in Hong Kong)

Posted by zonked (126 days ago)

Well, I would say a bit differently : both of you are using eachother for sex. Not just him!!

It's just that women view sex differently when it happens over an extended period of time; they think there are feelings attached. Whereas men can treat sex and feelings differently.

You should know this! It is as simple as that!

(I am based in Hong Kong)

Posted by sinead II (126 days ago)

yeah,as simple as that,so its like if a man shagging a woman for a long time,will never have a feeling to that woman at all,its just purely sex.how coldhearted is that be

(I am based in Hong Kong)

Posted by Nemesis (126 days ago)

He shags you, and then not a word from him until the next shag. And this has been going on for two years? Where is your self-respect?! Hookers are better off than you. At least they get paid. You are just his easy lay in town. Sleeping with hookers would cost him more. He gets it for free from you, and no strings attached. You can't blame him for going for this bargain.

You say you don't expect anything, but you do. You want him to grow feelings for you. You cannot make someone love you though. If it is not there, it's not there. Having sex with that person is not likely going to change that, regardless how great the sex may be. The friends-with-benefits arrangement usually ends up in tears, and 99.99% of the time it is the woman crying ... plenty of posts about that on this forum.

In short, the chances that he is going to develop feelings for you too, are next to zero, especially given the way he is treating you. Cut your losses and move on.

Good luck!

(I am based in Unspecified)

Posted by sinead II (126 days ago)

wow never thought,that hookers are better than me.but your right iam just his easy lay in town,coz i let that happened,maybe i just need a wake up call from others to set my mind up.tnx guys and nemesis your words hit me through the heart

(I am based in Hong Kong)

Posted by handcream (123 days ago)

wat if a guy still saying hi after ONS and next day flying back to his own country, does that just mean hes trying to be polite therefore feel less guilty??

(I am based in Shanghai)

Posted by Mobs (123 days ago)

Sinead II

In my humble opinion, if he was serious, or even mildly interested in getting together with you, he would have discussed the point already and/or arranged more serious (non-s**) time together - better yet meeting his friends/etc - and progressed the situation into a relationship. Nemesis states it (harshly) well.

I wish you best of luck in finding someone who is right for you, who really wants to be with you (not just for the s** - as a man I know that most of us can separate it from the emotion).

(I am based in Hong Kong)

Posted by sinead II (123 days ago)

maybe the problem is his too busy,if his here so the only time his got is at night time,but yeah he made his point,he says he doesnt force me for things i dont wanna do,so i didnt ask whats goin on with us,i just go on with the flow coz i really like him,and that feeling becomes deeper the more i see him.so maybe i just stop seeing him,so will not get hurt at the end or ask him if he will take me seriously or just for shag.but its like a bit nasty to ask like that,whats the nice way to ask he he

(I am based in Hong Kong)

Posted by fatkid (123 days ago)

Geez, ppl just refuse to believe in what they should believe in and believe it what they wanna believe in.

(I am based in Hong Kong)

Posted by nom (120 days ago)

maybe you are too good in bed that's why.

(I am based in Hong Kong)

Posted by S119 (115 days ago)

Well I'm sure you're not only pit stop he has. If you're old enough to have S** then you should be able to do the math on it too. It's time to put your foot down and get back the lifestyle you desrve. Go girl!

(I am based in Hong Kong)

Posted by hoyo (114 days ago)

>sinead, if you like to shag him, then go ahead, continue to see him when he's in town but you must be aware that it will lead nowhere so don't expect to have a serious and long lasting relationship. it could happen, maybe one day he will notice you and etc... but consider it as a lottery win!

(I am based in Hong Kong)

Posted by Justin Credible (Part Deux) (106 days ago)

Maybe the truth of the matter is : Exactly what nemesis said! Not "what if he is too busy" yadda yadda yadda! *SMH*

Self respect!

He is "just not that into you"! I mean, 2 years of an easy lay without having to pay???

You give him an ultimatum and he will be forced to find an alternative easy lay! How much do you value your easy lay, despite having other options, as you so haughtily claim to be spurning! Get on with it and take some other options up, quit wasting any more time!

(I am based in Hong Kong)

Posted by xmauix (104 days ago)

Oh girl, if she's treating you like that, then the answer is NO! There is NO chance he'll ever be serious with you. YOu've to give self respect before anyone treats you seriously. Hope you find the right one for you.

(I am based in Hong Kong)

Posted by mooboxy (102 days ago)

simple. since both of u enjoy having great sex together. keep him as a spare for your future uses even if u are attached or married, cos u never knew when he'll come in handy. never wrong to keep many spare tyres, it's just like ordering pizza when u crave for it. i've got some and am to some... the chain never breaks if u play by the rules.

(I am based in Guangzhou)

Posted by sapphire26 (102 days ago)

Do'nt mingle one night stand for a permanent relationship! It obviously sounds, that it's only a stopover for him. So, If you think ok, keep hm spare, as long as you don't mind....but certainly ONS is not worth a healthy long term relationship.

(I am based in Hong Kong)

Posted by blss (100 days ago)

If you are old enough to have sex, then you should old enough to seperate an ONS and a real relationship. From what I am readind, the guy is not taking you seriously. And worse, you are not taking yourself seriously.

Go get someone that's right for you, don't waste more time.

(I am based in Unspecified)

Posted by blss (100 days ago)

If you are old enough to have sex, then you should be old enough to seperate an ONS and a real relationship. From what I am readind, the guy is not taking you seriously. And worse, you are not taking yourself seriously.

Go get someone that's right for you, don't waste more time.

(I am based in Unspecified)

Posted by gofly68 (100 days ago)

i think this is a mix between ONS and LDR. maybe first time you feel its okay to have it, but in the long term you will find its bad for you since seems no future for both of you. only meet few times a year or less. come on! its not a real relationship. and also already going for two years? wake up girl!!!!!!

other thing, you dont know if he's having another women there. its so frustrating only to think all the time if he has other gf.

we're women are more vulnarable and always dreaming abt true romances. im not surprised if your feeling's become deeper and deeper. its normal. but what if happen if he doenst want you anymore? its just LUST. never will go better than that. you and him also dont communicate when he's not in HK. its so obvious that he dont have intention to have real realtionship with you. so better jump out from this situation before you get hurt. you deserve better than this. dont waste your time. time flies and never come back.

(I am based in Hong Kong)

Posted by sinead II (100 days ago)

your absolutely right golfy68,i thought thats just for once,but iam wrong coz got hooked up with it,before i posted this,i thought there is a chance,but from your opinions/advice guys theres no reason to hope for something that will never happened.i dont say that i've wasted my time for that period of time,but now i dont wanna waste my time thinking of someone who doesnt think abt,and hoping for something that will never happened.anyway iam still young,so got all the time to meet and know nice guys around.tnx to all

(I am based in Hong Kong)

Posted by hualaan (91 days ago)

All previous posters could be right, but it's always possible he's feeling the same way, but thinks you like it this way, or thinks anything more is doomed, since he doesn't live in HK. Of all the things you wish he would do (communicate with you when he's not there, express more feelings for you than just friendship with sex), have you ever done them yourself? Would he have any reason to believe that you're not perfectly happy and contented with the situation as is?

The next time he's there, tell him how you feel and ask him if he feels the same way. If he says yes, then plan a way forward, a way to be together. If he says no, then you have to decide if you enjoy the brief times you have together enough to continue without expectation of more. There's no shame in it if you do want to, as long as you are fully aware of the scope of the relationship.

Otherwise, if you decide that you want more and this isn't satisfying enough, it's time to move on.

(I am based in Bangkok)

Posted by Philly Cheese (88 days ago)

Him - all he wants is s@x. Since he gets it without the commitments, then great for him.

Her - She wants more. She's not going to get it. Don't expect it. If that is not good enough, then cut him loose. Refuse to meet with him next time in town. Finally, it's not bad for a woman to want s@x only, despite what society wants you to believe.

(I am based in Hong Kong)