Cheating....

Posted by Option (142 days ago)

I met my bf from a dating website, we are going OK since months, I thought I was lucky but the nightmare starts last week. I accessed his email account by chance. He kept searching partner from another dating website for few months. The most terrible was he arranged for having sex in his place when I was not around. I told him I knew everything and had a talk about it. He insisted he did not sleep with the gal, also feel deeply sorry from what he had done. I accepted his apologize because my deepest inside I love him very much. On the other side, I feel very bad and cannot get out from the pictures (flirting with the gals, cheating on me...). I wish I could start over with him again but I dont know how. I am stuck in the middle.

(I am based in Hong Kong)

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Posted by wing-on (139 days ago)

He is taking what he can get for the time being, and looking out for something better as well.

(I am based in Hong Kong)

Posted by Dr. Zook (138 days ago)

Option,

You don't say much about your relationship (your and his age, how you met, what you are doing etc.) but one question seems quite obvious to me: have you ever talked about what the two of you expect from this relationship???

You being a "one-man-woman" doesn't mean that he is a necessarily one-woman-man.

You say you are "going ok". At the same time he is flirting with or dating other women, and obviously you don't like it. Is that ok?

Well, he apologized, but what makes you think he will change his behaviour in the future?

If you NEED a man to be there for you exclusively, then he needs to be absolutely honest to you to say if he is able to live up to these expectations. - and to be frank, from the little that you are telling, i would be surprised if he would...

"my deepest inside I love him very much" - what does this mean? You love him to the extend that you are willing to share him with other women (I would be surprised if "only" dating them in the long run would be enough for him) if only he returns back to you?

Some women can, but some can't - and others just don't want to know...

All the best for you!

(I am based in Bangkok)

Posted by Justin Credible (Part Deux) (129 days ago)

Bin him. Its only a matter of time before he bins you. Just telling it like it is. You may love him to pieces and "'cant see your life without him" but he most certainly had no problem doing someone other than you...life most certainly doesnt have to include only you...in his case.

(I am based in Hong Kong)

Posted by Nemesis (129 days ago)

Whoa! He kept searching for new partners on dating sites, arranged for sex at his place when you weren't around ... do you really need more clues for that exit talk?! You are being played like an orchestra! You shouldn't want to start over with him again. Get the hell out before you start losing your self-esteem.

[edit] He may have apologised but after all apologies are only words. Plenty people use apologies as a quick way to get out of trouble. So do not overestimate his apology. [/edit]

Btw, accessing other people's email accounts by chance is usually disaster and massive heartache waiting to happen, even if they don't find out about it. There have been plenty of posts about that subject already on this site.

(I am based in Unspecified)

Posted by tig (126 days ago)

me too.. same thing happened... i feel sorry for you
get out before you have gone in too deep.
the pain will not last long since you have only been dating for a few months.
you are much better off without him

(I am based in Hong Kong)

Posted by Electrode (118 days ago)

"I accessed his email account by chance" Fruits of a poison tree. Thank God for the Constitution.

(I am based in Hong Kong)

Posted by joeyclaris7 (118 days ago)

... "it was a dating service (in the internet)" who knows how many more he has??... how many email acc he has??.... At least you were given a chaance to see who he really is!... its u who decides whether to dumb him. The proof is just infront of you!

(I am based in Hong Kong)

Posted by ImSoBored (116 days ago)

if you met him on the internet then he will continue to look for more girls onthe internet. It was so easy to find you.. so .. who knows who else he might find.. and obviously you do not have what he is looking for.

You are nothing but a temporary fill in until he find whom he thinks is perfect for him. Trust me.. my best friend is a player.. and he goes through women like I change my under clothes. He just does not see what is wrong with it, as in his mind, he has still not meet the woman for him.

So.. your bf does not consider you the woman for him. You either.. discuss and have an open relationship with him.. were you both do your own things and meet only for the booty call... or you move on.

One quick question.. how exactly did you determine that you were boy friend and girl friend. Did you have the "we are seeing each other exclusively" talk?

If he never commited to you verbally, and said.. I am only going to see you! Are you only going to see me?? then you never had a commitment to begin with.

(I am based in Bangkok)

Posted by hoyo (116 days ago)

what do you expect? you met him in a dating website! he will continue to meet others in the dating website until he has enough sex and be ready to settle.
women are only objects to satisfy his sexual appetite, that's all, don't expect more than that!

(I am based in Hong Kong)

Posted by angelus_man3 (116 days ago)

Well i don't think women a re to satisfy a sexual desire or appetite, but if you find him in a web site.. well!

(Based in Hong Kong)

(I am based in Hong Kong)

Posted by santaclara_indian (115 days ago)

once a cheater always a cheater. People never change. Dont expect him change. now he will be more resourceful to hide it from you. It is upto you to get a new BF.

(I am based in Hong Kong)

Posted by S119 (115 days ago)

Well ok the dude is clearly not the man for you but if you think about it, whether it was an accident or not.....going through someone's personal stuff is darn right wrong too. Beong in love doesn't mean your problems are going to go away. As the old saying goes.....Can't handle the heat, get away from the fire. Good luck.

(I am based in Hong Kong)

Posted by chungwan (115 days ago)

DTMFA!

(I am based in Hong Kong)

Posted by casualsurfer (112 days ago)

i'm a guy and my advice to you is you should leave him. first of all he would never trust you again since you accessed his personal email (why would you look anyway?), second you would never trust him again because he's been caught red handed. now that you have this foundation of mistrust, the relationship would only get worse with time. move on.

(I am based in Hong Kong)

Posted by FKKC (112 days ago)

Yes, no doubt about it....move on.

(I am based in Hong Kong)

Posted by sicn (111 days ago)

how far you will go for love. That is the ultimate question. You said you really love him. Does he love you the same? Nowadays, in this cybor world, love easy comes, but does it easy go? If you two are truely serious about each other, i will suggest you two both give up your own email account. Make them to be one. I don't believe in a relationship, each person should keep their own privacy. That is a time bomb ready to explode sooner or later. It may sound extreme to some people, but for you two, right now, that is the way to mend this trust issue.
Also people tend to give up on love fast, reasoned by better choice out there. But we focus on the better choice out side without putting enough hard work to keep one, you will never truely have one. love is not easy to keep, just remember that.
I have been through the same experience you had. I made my choice of keeping it despite others' disagreement. Have I made a good choice? I don't know. In fact I would never want to find out. Because love is a decision you make and stick with.

(I am based in Guangzhou)

Posted by Justin Credible (Part Deux) (106 days ago)

Pfft, yeah but love is a decision that TWO people make and stick with, if one person chooses to stick with someone that treats them like trash, they are just signing up for a one way ticket to "Damn, my heart hurts" land.

We have choices...its not about life being a world of black and white. Decisions are made but further choices will always come up...you want to decide to love someone, sure, its a choice...but it is also your choice to cut them off if they treat you like poo! Whoever gives advice about "stick with it" probably put up with a fair bit of crap in their day! Hear it a lot on these forums. Weird that...

(I am based in Hong Kong)

Posted by nom (106 days ago)

Im sorry for what happened to u. but honestly im sick of reading stories like this, you met ur bf in a dating website, (if u are smart enough, u shouldn't completely trusted ur bf,, internet is the easiest way to meet boys and girls, homos, whatever!) if i catch my bf cheating on me i will dump the mother fcukre right away!! im sorry to tell you this but all men are jerks and does one thing! they cheat whenever we're not around or even when we are around them! so do urself a big favor and stop feeling sorry for urself, Grow up and DTMF already.

(I am based in Hong Kong)

Posted by Justin Credible (Part Deux) (106 days ago)

I disagree...not ALL men are jerks. Be kind!

There are women out there who are total slags...

There are men out there who would nail anything with a heart beat...

Sure, I agree...but ALL men are not jerks. ALL women are not whining knowitalls.

ALL of anything just isnt a fair thing to estimate.

I agree that OP needs to DTMFA...but ALL men are not jerks...I know some good men and no, they arent married or gay, they are good men though...be kind! :o)

(I am based in Hong Kong)

Posted by alien4peace (106 days ago)

Perhalps I can give you little experience here.
me & my husband met through Internet, We were marry now for
2 yrs with a baby. I think couple met through internet were make no different
with lover whose met in party, pub or thru friends.
You can meet guys or girls good or bad..
One thing is couple met on the internet, there always a lot of things avoid to talk.
Like how many gals he been dating thru internet? or did he see this relationship as fun or seriously? You guys need to be very HONESTLY.. Make the shadow part more clear.

(I am based in Hong Kong)

Posted by flashback (105 days ago)

Too true... I too don't know how meeting on the Internet is indicative of a loose character... or a flippant approach to life. I've three sisters who married men they met on the Internet. I've got my jobs for the past ten years off the Internet. I've dated good and bad people I've met on the Internet, just like I've dated good and bad people I've met in real life. One thing I've noticed though is that I got to meet a lot of very interesting people from a range of different walks of life that I wouldn't have met had I not tried the Internet. It has been truly broadening.

In fact, I don't know any single person who hasn't tried Internet dating in one form or another.

The truth is there are literally millions of people on Internet dating sites and services. Sure you have to be careful, but the Internet can also help you check out a future date in about ten seconds flat.

(I am based in Hong Kong)

Posted by nom (102 days ago)

OK id b a little kind,. but still 98% of men are jerks.

(I am based in Hong Kong)

Posted by gofly68 (102 days ago)

I had this experience before. Meeting many guys from internet. To be honest, I hardly trust those men which I met from internet. its too easy to find a guy or girl from internet. If we can search and choose as many as we want, why we cant expect to have it same from our partner then? I believe they must do the same thing also. So my point is there will be a lack of trust between a couple who meet from the internet. Thats all...

(I am based in Hong Kong)

Posted by sapphire26 (100 days ago)

Hi Option! I think u r really an option 4 hm!What u describd, do'nt c a corner of loyalty somewhere. If he's 2 practical, let em be!.Being a one woman-man, he's definitely not 4 u! I think, u will be dumped in near future. Take the chance of doin the same, b4 u face it.
I totally don c a chance hm bein a one man-woman guy! Pull urself out!
Lovin hm does'nt mean ur share hm with eone. His fundamental sounds diff!

(I am based in Hong Kong)