helper not sleeping

Posted by Sashimi Girl (102 days ago)

my helper is going through menopause and recently had a bout of depression that severely affected her work performance. however, she has since put herself together again and she is "okay" now however she is not getting enough sleep.

i can hear her fiddling around in the kitchen at 2am cooking oats or something like that. she tells me that because of her menopause she can't sleep and every night she only sleeps from 10pm to 2am and then she is awake from then until she starts at 7am.

i told her i was worried that she is not getting enough sleep but she says she is "okay". but how can she be if she is only sleeping 4 hours a night and has to look after my toddler all day while we are at work?? i tell her she can sleep when the baby is napping in the afternoon and she says she tries too but can't...

is this normal for menopausal women? can someone really be okay with only 4 hours of sleep a night?? i am worried for her and the sake of my baby. how can i help her? she has been to the doctors many many many times for other issues but not to consult about this lack of sleep. i'm sure the doctor can give her sleeping pills but is this really the answer?

with her waking at 2am and my baby (and consequently i) waking at 5am i am slowly going crazy...

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Posted by axptguy38 (102 days ago)

My wife can go for weeks sleeping 4-5 hours a night. She'll be tired but fully functional. As in no problems being a normal person and no falling asleep "at the wheel". Some people can do this. Some cannot. However Iwouldn't worry unduly unless it looks as if she is losing the plot.


One milder alternative to sleeping pills (which are quite powerful) is Melatonin. You can buy it over the counter (GNC has it for example, at least in the US). It is the stuff our bodies make to tell us to sleep. It won't knock you out like a sleeping pill but it help you relax and thus works when you're tired but have a hard time falling asleep. I have used it for years to combat jetlag while I was crossing the Atlantic 2 trips a month.



"with her waking at 2am and my baby (and consequently i) waking at 5am i am slowly going crazy..."

If that was the way it worked, I would have gone nuts a couple of years ago. ;) I think you'll be fine. If she is disturbing you, tell her to read a book or something that doesn't make noise.

Posted by sweetgirl79 (102 days ago)

Agree w/ the axptguy38.
''with her waking at 2am and my baby (and consequenty i) waking at 5am i am slowly going crazy...''

i don't think your helper is a brainless person.i am having a same problem like yours but my helper will always know how to handle her own problems.try not to put too much pressure on her by interupting too much her personal problems.Good luck.

Posted by neenib (102 days ago)

I suffer insomnia and often go for weeks on 4 hours sleep, sometimes less. It certainly puts me in a crappy mood after a while, but i function. the body just adjusts. of course it's not healthy, especially as I have a 2 month old as well, so i'm a feeling like a fruitloop at the moment.

If you helper does not want sleeping tablets (I never take them), try to do the natural approach. I don't have any caffeine after midday. I try to have dinner early, so don't go to bed on a full stomach. She could try acupuncture, we are certainly in the right country for it. otherwise i used to take Valerian which is a natural herb and in combination with the other ideas above, it did work.

Posted by Sashimi Girl (102 days ago)

i really don't think she is sleeping too much during the day with a 15 month toddler running around!! anyway i spoke with her this morning and she said that despite the lack of sleep she is feeling okay. as you all said - her body must have adjusted. her doctor said sleep issues are a major factor for menopausal women. sheesh - as if we don't get enough sleep as it is??!!!

Posted by axptguy38 (102 days ago)

"i guess your helper sleep to much during the day thats why she can't sleep at night. install a camera then you know exactly what she is doing during daytime."

Unhelpful, arrogant and condescending at the same time. Quite a feat.

Posted by apple79 (100 days ago)

mwah mwah sashimi girl, I wish more employers are just like you.... God bless you and I really wish from the bottom of my heart that lots of good lucks will enter in your house..

Posted by cara (100 days ago)

my mum has been suffering with menopause for the past 8 years!

she has a TERRIBLE time sleeping! she will go for months on end on very little sleep. she doesn't like it, she's exhausted, but there's nothing she can do. she's tried everything, but nothing seems to work.

Posted by F355 (100 days ago)

has she tried to take sleeping pills?

Posted by neenib (99 days ago)

Please say you are joking F355! What a bloody horrible thing to expect from someone! People like you should just shut the f^%* up and not say anything at all or come onto these sites. Go away

Posted by Moppet (99 days ago)

I think they are just on to get a rise out of people neenib best just to ignore there childish behaviour and they will get bored and find some other immature pass-time.

Posted by ldsllvn (99 days ago)

guys - are you having a go at F355 for sleeping pills or was there another comment I missed? if sleeping pills, I am not sure why you are so upset? I had a couple of weeks of insomnia a couple months ago - basically did not sleep at all!! Not even one hour! So, funny enought, the doctor gave me sleeping pills - just 3 or 4 in total. I had to take half a pill each night to help me sleep - it is just to kick start your body to get into that sleeping habit it "forgot". that's all - worked a treat - I was absolutely fine after 2-3 days. Hence, I think F355 advice on sleeping pill is a valid one.

Posted by apple79 (99 days ago)

"i guess your helper sleep to much during the day thats why she can't sleep at night. install a camera then you know exactly what she is doing during daytime."

Unhelpful, arrogant and condescending at the same time. Quite a feat.

addenum: paranoid and very slow in solving simple problem..
no need to install camera. just check ur house once you got home in the evening? is the house dirty and messy? kids are hungry and dirty? and etc... then you will get your answer from there

Posted by Moppet (99 days ago)

As i suspected F355 is playing games they changed there reply to sleeping pills but there initial response was to suggest that if the helper was awake anyway get her to do some ironing.

As i said they are trolling to get people going and need to be ignored

Posted by ldsllvn (99 days ago)

oh i see, lets hope it was a (not very good) joke... thought I might have missed something!

Posted by apple79 (99 days ago)

F355 posted this absurd idea

""i guess your helper sleep to much during the day thats why she can't sleep at night. install a camera then you know exactly what she is doing during daytime."

so some of uS are heating up on him

Posted by neenib (99 days ago)

I don't reckon F355 is trying to get a rise, i honestly thing he/she is that narrow-minded. ldsllvn F355 made a stupid comment and I got riled up because people don't realise how lucky they are to have the help over here and many take helpers for granted.

anyway, nothing wrong with sleeping tablets if it's not long term obviously, but then there is the after effects of feeling drousy the next day. I hope your helper can get some rest soon.

Posted by axptguy38 (98 days ago)

There are plenty of mild, natural sedatives. Chamomile tea for example. These can be used even long term.